Marijuana and Voyeurism

When I was an adolescent I had two different Playboy magazines under my bed. At the time I felt like a nudie magazine millionaire. Well, maybe not a millionaire, but a very wealthy man. It felt like I was dating those centerfolds with the regularity that I saw them naked. At night, before bed, I’d crack one open and with my imagination racing I’d enjoy a hot-and-wild fifteen minutes before falling asleep as a highly satisfied thirteen year old.

Then you end up in High School and there are post-pubescent girls all over. Large breasts in tight white button-downs and plaid skirts. You want to be a wild animal. You want to fuck them all. You’re in bed at night and you’re thinking of Lynette with her long dark hair, and her perfect skin, and her full breasts, and suddenly Miss October seems a little less appealing. Lynette had the depth of reality; Lynette represented possibility.

I went through all the typical teenage struggles of wanting girls and not understanding how to get them. Wanting a girlfriend. Wanting sex, and validation, and some kind of emotional connection.

I remember the first time our eyes met in front of her locker, before first period, on a cold December morning. Our eyes met, and the world slowed down. Until that point nothing had felt so real, and the feeling surged through my body. This was the most intense feeling of sexuality I may have ever experienced and it was just eye contact. Without a hint of hyperbole, in that moment, I would have told you that she was the most beautiful girl in the entire world.

You’ll never feel that way as an adult.

A few months later, it’s Spring and I’m fucking her from behind in front of the fireplace in her parent’s living room. This was inevitable. The 70s can’t last forever; before you know it, it’s 1982 and you’re shooting cheap pornos on VHS. Innocence doesn’t last.

You get one shot at true romance and it’s in High School. Even if you didn’t make the most of it, hopefully you got your feet wet. This makes for a well adjusted adult. Men who are excluded from the dating game in High School grow up angry and bitter.

My relationship with Jessica ended a lot like Halloween II, a big nasty explosion. I had learned about life and the rules of attraction, and then promptly forgot it all for a big chunk of time between then and now. Only now can I look back to the past and pick things up from there, like Halloween H20; Halloween 4-6 are just wasted junk.

There was challenge to courting Jessica. There was risk involved. My thirst for sex and validation provided the urgency to act. Jessica was more interesting than Super Nintendo, thirty-six channels of cable television, or Miss October. It was either risking aesthetic rejection or jacking off forever to mental pictures of the time Lynette missed some of the buttons on her impossibly tight white button-down.

There was nothing voyeuristic about courting Jessica; I had to get my hands dirty. I had stand in the fire of in-person competition, and under the stress of having all eyes on me. I had to be the hunter.

It pains me to think that teenage boys today associate sex with their computers rather than experimenting with their female peers. Fumbling with Jessica’s firm c-cups and hairy pussy was infinitely more exciting than the static images of Miss October.

The effort involved in courting her ultimately sharpened me as a man.

If I were a teenager today, would I think Jessica was more exciting than infinite internet porn? Internet porn requires zero effort, and there is no risk or danger involved. In a world of internet porn there are larger breasts and admirable grooming standards. In a world of infinite entertainment there is YouTube and virtual reality. A world devoid of loneliness where texting and Facebook can stand as hollow replacements for human interaction… would there exist enough impetuous to be the hunter?

A voyeur, be definition, is not an active participant. A voyeur is a consumer. The Millennial primarily considers voyeurism as a means to understanding the world. The nostalgia they feel is for pop-culture events, not for real life touchstones like fingering Jessica through a wall of pubic hair while “Scream” played in the background.

The Millennial most desires the full legalization of marijuana. They’ll swear you’re old or out-of-touch if you have a word to say against anything less than full legalization. The media loves pushing marijuana; you’ll only ever see mainstream media pieces on how silly it is that marijuana was the older generation’s taboo, and how there are only positive benefits to marijuana use and legalization. Politicians like Jeb “Cool Like You” Bush will be quick to jump on the bandwagon. Academia will be sure to promote legalization as some kind of Progressive monolith hinged on social justice.

It’s naive to think it won’t be legalized. There is too much to gain from legalization. Beyond the taxation benefits, marijuana legalization will be a corporate interest.

When there are only high-fives and pats on the back, further reason to feel vastly superior to our naive ancestors, and media pieces on how great marijuana is. When Hollywood stars go out of their way to be seen smoking; when the two broke girls have a new added expense; when there are million hit YouTube videos where, uh-oh, Grandma’s smoking for the first time and getting silly! When fast food companies are quick to get in on the action and launch marijuana themed ad campaigns. When major corporations launch their own brands of marijuana. When you can buy marijuana at Wal-Mart. When President Hillary Clinton is taking selfies smoking-up with the Kardashians.

When there are no downsides; after all, marijuana isn’t addictive! When we’re encouraged to smoke, watch network television, eat processed food, and get sexual release from the internet.

When we’re encouraged to settle for a life of voyeurism and consumption.

My generation is the last of a dying breed, and we get to reminisce about the days of horrifying pubic hair while we watch the world burn.

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  1. Atlanta Man · October 17, 2015

    Dude keep posting, your shit is good. Fuck what Pffffffftttttt said I like it. I remember all the old pornos I watched in the 1980’s and 1990’s I look for them on the tubes and the lack of perverseness compared to the new shit is striking, that and the fact people still had pubic hairs. pubic lice is going extinct, I shave my pubes so I am part of the reason, but it is still kind of astonishing. I am so old school I actually caught crabs, so fuck pubic lice they had this shit coming- and unlike Hitler, I hope we finish the job!!! No Normandy for thos little itchy fuckers, in this story they speak German in Alabama!

    Seriously, keep posting. I am glad I found this blog.

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  4. Tarnished · November 24, 2015

    My generation is the last of a dying breed, and we get to reminisce about the days of horrifying pubic hair while we watch the world burn.
    This makes me wonder which is your generation. I’m 31, my FwB is 46, and a lot of what you write about resonates with our own observations.

    When there are no downsides; after all, marijuana isn’t addictive!
    Anything can become addictive, if not chemically then at least mentally. I knew enough potheads in college to see the ramifications of engaging in drug use, even something as “innocent” as marijuana, and deciding it wasn’t a substance I ever needed to try. Same for cigarettes, vapers, Ecstasy or getting drunk. Obviously I’m an incredibly boring person…

    When I was an adolescent I had two different Playboy magazines under my bed.
    For me it wasn’t magazines, but stolen moments with the VHS tapes my stepfather thought he had hidden well in the downstairs hutch. I’d wait til my parents had taken my younger siblings out clothes shopping or to the grocery, and make quick acquaintance with Jenna Jameson and whatever men she happened to be banging.

    Internet porn requires zero effort, and there is no risk or danger involved. In a world of internet porn there are larger breasts and admirable grooming standards. In a world of infinite entertainment there is YouTube and virtual reality.

    And thus it is easy to see why many young men are a part of the Sexodus. Can’t say I blame them, given the levels of misandry our culture is prone to.

    You get one shot at true romance and it’s in High School.

    I respectfully disagree. I dated twice in high school. Both boys lasted less than 2 weeks before I told them it wasn’t working out. They believed that because I was a quiet, nerdy, academically inclined wallflower with large tits I’d be an easy lay…that I’d be so swept away by their “positive” attention that I’d immediately throw myself at their cocks.
    Heh. Little did they know I had/have a phobia towards physical contact, especially casual or sexual, I actually had good self-esteem, and all my friends were male so I knew what good men acted like.

    It wasn’t til I was 21 and nearly done with college that I met my FwB at a D&D game and he began slowly courting me. I very happily shared my virginity with him at 22, and though neither of us is perfect, we remain close in both our friendship and sex all these years later. It may be good for teens to “get their feet wet” in dating during high school, but if they do not it shouldn’t be considered a huge loss. Likewise, if someone doesn’t share their virginity until after high school or college (or later, in some cases) they shouldn’t be shamed for it. Especially men, as it is a very confusing world out there.

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  6. B_Tampa · March 3, 2017

    The problem with legalization is that the case for it is built on lies, mainly one lie that encompasses several more detailed ones: it’s harmless.

    In talking to the pro-potters, I’ve pointed out that if it is legalized, there will be more users. They dispute this because everyone they know uses it and they assume that means everyone already does. But this isn’t so. There are people who are so old fashioned that they will not do a thing simply because it is illegal. Make something legal and you are effectively making it “ok.” Make something ok and more people do it than otherwise would.

    Then there is the whole “gateway drug” issue. From what I’ve read, you ask any junkie what he started out on and the answer is almost always pot. All potheads may not graduate to harder drugs, but a good many do.

    There are several other issues that will come up – but in the interest of not rambling on any longer, I’ll omit them.

    So the realistic expectation is more use and more junkies – as a result of legalization. Is that enough reason not to legalize it? Maybe not – but before taking the step we ought to at least be willing to confront the truth about what we’re doing.

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