The Cool Girl and the White Knight: Sexual Strategy and Identity

“Those other girls aren’t real.”

Christine went to great lengths to convince you that she wasn’t like those other girls. Her experiences had greater depth, her thoughts were more developed, her interests were more artistic, and her feelings were more genuine. Christine had esoteric qualities that made her special and unique, while those other girls were basic and shallow. Christine also had a bigger waist and fatter thighs.

She wasn’t fat, but Christine was conscious of her limitations and adjusted accordingly. If she couldn’t compete with those other girls, Christine would attempt to hijack and redefine what it meant to win and then try to convince men that what they thought they wanted was all wrong.

The blonde cheerleader with the big chest wasn’t cool like Christine. She didn’t like indie music, nor artsy movies, she didn’t read interesting novels, she didn’t have an ironic taste in fashion, nor would she be happy having a night-in drinking beers and playing Mario Kart. She wasn’t real, and Christine was; real is what you should want.

The results weren’t very interesting. Christine was able to be promiscuous with high-value men who probably would have fucked her anyway regardless of her advertised depth. She had beta-orbiters who masturbated her unique identity, but probably would have orbited her anyway. And, she had doofus boyfriends who respected her esoteric thoughts and opinions, but probably would have liked her regardless.

Christine thought she needed to leverage authenticity, in the form of a meticulously sculpted identity, to compensate for not being as aesthetically competitive as higher-value women. Christine thought that with enough salesmanship and authenticity she could land a rockstar boyfriend.

We are primarily animals who want to fuck and this is sexual strategy.

Traditional sexual strategy for women involves those cursed beauty standards which keep feminists up at night. Girly hair and make-up, a charming feminine demeanor, and a sexually alluring body-type; trips to the gym and a reasonably controlled diet. Not foul-language, not cigarette smoking, not beer swilling, nor an ego-obsessed girl bent on proving how cool and smart she is.

When women aren’t aesthetically gifted enough to organically attract the men which they feel entitled to, they attempt to change the parameters by-which men are attracted to women through trickery and sophistry. They redefine attraction and attempt to sell the redefinition. Women assume that since authenticity and identity are important qualities which attract them to men, in the name of universal equality, these things are at the forefront of what will attract a man to a woman- if only she can convince him that bikini-model measurements are embarrassing and unsophisticated.

Sex-positive women, or sexperts, attempt to swing their promiscuous behavior into the realm of intellectual savvy. The difference between a dumb slut and a sex-positive sexpert is defined by the latter; a man should not want the unintelligent, unsophisticated dumb slut. Her promiscuity is inauthentic, she probably has self-esteem problems, or daddy issues; therefore the sex she provides is undesirable. Wait, what?

The increased emphasis on identity is intended to garner committed interest from desirable men, but will ultimately serve to coddle the woman’s ego and feelings- she’ll still have the same sex with attractive men, the same beta-male orbiters, and date men who exist somewhere between the two.

The white knight is the male equivalent of the cool girl, using a meticulously sculpted identity in an attempt to garner sexual interest. The white knight will rightfully understand that authenticity and identity are necessary for what will attract women, and like the cool girl, is conscious of his limitations and so he’ll attempt to redefine the parameters of what women find desirable.

The difference between the cool girl and the white knight is that the white knight has to keep a keener eye toward what he understands as reality while the cool girl could dictate what she wants reality to be. The cool girl can say outright that a high-value male should want an authentic girl with admirable interests, regardless of what actually interests him. She’s able to do this because she’ll always garner the same results regardless- as long as she’s just attractive enough, she’ll receive some degree of sexual attention from desirable men while rationalizing their lack of sustained interest (ie: “he was a jerk”), all while her beta-male orbiters console her (ie: “he was a jerk… but I’m not” [crickets]).

The white knight doesn’t have this luxury. While female sexual strategy is meant to capture the highest-value man, male sexual strategy is meant to capture the greatest number of women.

The white knight is a white knight because he cannot be competitive using traditional male sexual strategy- embracing masculinity, exuding confidence, exuding success, looking good, and understanding female nature; this is the way of high-value men. Since the white knight cannot compete on this playing field, he must attempt to redefine male value as the converse of these attributes.

While it isn’t entirely his fault, trying to win by disqualifying the competition is certainly not honorable. The white knight is listening to the complaints of the cool girl who is upset that the masculine man only used her for sex. Since she isn’t able to emasculate him to his face (and likely wouldn’t if she had his attention again), she blows off steam to the white knight. The white knight hears her complaints and takes them seriously, and without a foundational knowledge of female nature, will come to the conclusion that what she really wants is the opposite of the masculine man (“he was a jerk, but I’m not!”).

The white knight knows enough about women to understand the need to entirely buy-in to his persona as white knight- “authenticity” is necessary for a woman- so it may seem curious that men will white knight to one-another when there are no women present. Like Christine would use her cool-girl persona to coddle her self-esteem, the white knight will define himself, and derive positive self feelings, through his white knighting.

The white knight is a misguided and failed attempt at sexual strategy. Like the cool girl, it is sexual strategy by-way of disqualification. Unlike the cool girl who is able to leverage her youth and sexuality to garner interest, the white knight can only derive satisfaction from having the identity as white knight; he’ll then reach a crossroads where he’ll either angrily white knight even harder, like the broken gambler looking for that elusive big-score, or he’ll pursue a different sexual strategy entirely.

Sexual strategy is like that scene at the end of Wargames where Joshua the computer tries to launch nuclear weapons and start World War 3; the computer cycles-through launch codes quickly while keeping the bits of code that are a positive match. Most people unconsciously allow their brain to do this work, matching behaviors with their positive outcomes, and bookmarking those behaviors while discarding the ineffective.

The cool girl and the white knight mirror the end of the movie, where Joshua learns the futility of nuclear war as a zero-sum game through playing itself in tic-tac-toe, a similarly unwinnable game. Sadly, the cool girl will never learn this lesson by misunderstanding her sexual success as a consequence of her identity, and the white knight is likely too far gone to ever figure it out.

Follow me on Twitter @ KillToParty


  1. Pingback: Sexual Strategy and Identity | Reaction Times
  2. Tarnished · February 17, 2016

    The truth of the matter is this:
    A persona is not the same as a personality. Personas simply reflect what people think will attract positive attention, whereas personality is just acting as one naturally would.

    Both the White Knight and Cool Girl described above are, for lack of a better term, liars. They are lying to themselves by indulging in said attempts to alter reality to aline with their personas, and lying to others by telling them that it is “bad” to not accept said personas as preferable.

    However, it is worth pointing out that someone may actually have a nontraditional personality in real life. A good way to determine the difference is thus:
    If they alter their beliefs/actions to gain approval according to who is “cool” in the immediate area, then they are very likely fake. If they speak or act the same regardless of whoever is around, then that is just who they are.

    • Mann · February 22, 2016

      I believe you missed one of the important points about white knights which to convincing he selves of their own genuinity they will act the same regardless of who is around.

      • Tarnished · February 22, 2016

        Didn’t miss that point.
        Unfortunately some will act that way, so the attempt to determine persona vs personality is not a 100% foolproof one. But it is still better than nothing, and could help a guy sort the fake geek/nerd girls from the real ones.

  3. Pingback: Sexual Selection and “Teen Mom” | Kill To Party
  4. kfx · April 29, 2016

    Very good post. I think the most important word a are the last three: “toxic social conditioning”.
    I’ve just discovered your site but could you plan more posts about this “conditioning” ?

  5. Pingback: From the Arcade to the Girlfriend Experience | Kill to Party

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