While pacing an empty classroom after hours, door shut and blinds drawn, dictating a clumsy outline for why the movie “Overboard” (1987)- yes, “Overboard”- provides sufficient evidence for the success of a Trump/Sanders dream ticket, I can’t help but feel like I’m sneaking pop-rocks after brushing my teeth. I’m in too deep and I’m clapping wildly at show ponies. Dogs jumping through flaming hoops. Hot dogs and Easter candy. Junk food. Bullshit.
None of this means anything, but I can’t quit Donald Trump.
I’ve become a political junkie cheering for a puppet show. I want to see Ravishing Rick Rude with the WWF gold- taunting the fat, out of shape, low-T, liberal sweat hogs. I want the mere words “President Trump” to be a passive aggressive trigger striking rotten disdain into the hearts of all who oppose.
Now cut the music.
It’s stupid. It’s not real… American politics should carry the same disclaimer like those old psychic hotline TV ads: “for entertainment purposes only,” leading to legitimate questions regarding the intelligence of anyone who actually takes this shit seriously. There’s a reason why Hunter Thompson ended up turning the ’72 primaries into a betting sport- when you’re waist deep in the muck of American politics, and see the moving parts up close, you get a sense that the big picture is complete bullshit; democracy is a dog and pony show.
Functional democracy has too many necessary ingredients to be viable. It necessitates the intelligence of the majority met with their ability to possess the correct intentions- and this is assuming they understand long-term Civilizational structure, which they assuredly do not.
This is why Public Education exists- as a performance piece making the whole thing justifiable. It goes like this:
a) all people are capable of adequate intelligence
b) the means of developing adequate intelligence is provided
c) democracy is justified
It’s something that could never possibly work, even if the best possible conditions were met; people aren’t capable of understanding big picture ideas, and the boulder has been tumbling down the hill for hundreds of years now. America cannot be made great again; America must be destroyed- and either candidate will accelerate this execution.
The discussion should end there.
And even knowing that, I can’t help but feel like I’ve made it to the dance. If you were attuned to big picture ideas when Trump announced his candidacy, you understood that this was gonna be, in the words of Doc Brown, “some serious shit.”
There hasn’t been a Masculine Alpha Male candidate in the race for the top spot in our lifetime; Reagan may have been Masculine but it was tempered with the perception of a harmless old man- this is not a card in Trump’s deck. Trump has the acumen and savvy to hold frame, a concept straight out of silly fuck blogs and internet ‘how to get laid’ guides but foreign to the neutered mainstream. Trump will not wilt under media shaming, and that makes him the coolest guy in any room.
And if that wasn’t exciting enough, now you’re pitting a certifiable Alpha Male against Feminism. You could have Ali vs Tyson, or Jon Jones vs Santa Claus, but this is my dream fight.
But how do you get the faggots and cucks on board? How do you win a popularity contest when there are hardly any cool kids at school? You throw them a bone.
While the adults are upstairs at the cocktail party, you have balloon animals and an SNES in the basement for the kids…
“Overboard” works because people subconsciously want to like an Alpha Male; someone unapologetic and charming- but on a conscious level, they need a reason. The audience is endeared to the male lead, Kurt Russell’s Dean Proffitt, because his antagonist is “rich bitch” Joanna played well by Goldie Hawn.
When Dean kidnaps Joanna and makes her a live-in sex slave, the audience understands that she’s getting what she deserves- and it’s funny, this is a comedy, and significant wealth is an inarguable sin. When Joanna falls for Dean, it carries a feeling of inevitability- he’s charming, handsome, and masculine, and when the family inherits Joanna’s wealth through this convoluted ruse, it feels justifiable; the rich don’t deserve their money, and the poor do because of reasons.
The bigger picture “Overboard” presents is the sexiness of the Alpha Male met with the fantasy of wealth redistribution… and this is where Bernie Sanders would make a Trump-on-top dichotomy into a dream ticket for the Presidency.
Trump is your Kurt Russell-like Alpha Male; you want to like Trump, you fucking pussy, but you need a reason. And, unfortunately, Trump also embodies that “rich bitch” you’ve come to hate… so we put balloon animals and an SNES in the basement for the kids! Let Mr. Magoo be Trump’s VP and we relieve the problem of wanting to boo the heel President.
Let the outsiders form a kind of political nWo; if there was ever a reason to do so, if this idea could ever catch momentum, now is the time when more people than ever are making the grim connection that becomes inevitable when one gets too deep into the dog shit of American politics…
And now that you’ve made it to your Senior Prom you feel like a jerk-off for showing up. None of it really means anyway. Suddenly, you’re the one playing “Super Street Fighter 2” while the adults are upstairs talking about passivism.
But I can’t fucking quit Donald Trump, so where’s my giraffe balloon?
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